Last week my eyes were opened. I know of no other way to put it. You dad’s out there who are penny pinchers – and those for whom the pinch of this economy is all too tight – take note: I can save you hundreds of dollars per year by exposing a little known conspiracy by this century’s most overlooked super villain – Orville Redenbacher!
That’s right, dads – the Bow-tied Menace and his popcorn cronies have secretly been stealing hundreds of your hard earned dad dollars every year; but all that is about to come to an end.
Oh, alright. I guess my cartoon aesthetic is fueling a hyperbolic fire. There’s really no conspiracy, I’m just floored by something that a friend pointed out recently and can’t believe I’ve gone so long spending money needlessly. Plus, Orville was a just a tool of the evil behind ConAgra anyway…
But on to the savings! If you’re like me you love popcorn, especially fresh popped. Also if you are like me, you are essentially a bit lazy, so dragging out the pan and oil to get some fresh popped popcorn always loses to the beaconing ease of one if this century’s most amazing marvels – microwave popcorn. There are days, in fact, I wonder if the microwave wasn’t specifically designed JUST for popcorn.
I really don’t enjoy cooking anything in it, so besides heating water for tea, popcorn is virtually the only time we use our microwave, and for the longest time, I’ve felt a certain guilt when planning our grocery budget in “splurging” on the more expensive (per serving) pre-packaged microwave popcorn rather than buying it in bulk and busting out the oil and the stovetop pan.
Then just last week, a friend of mine forwarded a “DIY” article that points plain and simply to the solution. Place 1/4 cup of bulk popcorn into ANY paper sandwich bag and tape it shut. Microwave it. DONE!
What? No fancy chemicals to pack the corn in? No special container for the microwave? A simple brown paper bag and that’s it?! Yes! Shenanigans! Someone must have been keeping this from me! No, no such luck.
But surely this wouldn’t work – surely it would taste horrible or dry or radioactive. But initial tests show that the corn is family approved by all mouths! Now, I must admit, we put parmesan cheese on our corn anyway, but consider the health benefits of eating the popped corn without any topping or oil or salt. Add that to the savings per serving that you will get (paying $1 per bag on average for the pre-pack vs. paying around $1 for a pound of loose un-popped kernels) and this is mind-numbingly awesome! And you can STILL buy Orville’s gourmet hybrid, if you like! OR – oh, oh, oh, ORGANIC popcorn! Smashing!
Ok, so it’s not mind-numbing for everybody.
Try it yourself anyway! Let me know what you think!
Want more accurate math on the savings? Visit a math blog; close enough for jazz, eh? You get the point – save your dad dollars!
Got any other great tips I’ve missed all these years? Send em forward…